sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
