i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
