Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
