I got chris browned last night
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
