So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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