I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
