I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
