i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize