Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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