Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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