I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
