There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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