THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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