i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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