are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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