Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
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I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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