I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My bed smells like the plague
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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