A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
