just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
