would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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