I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
