Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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