Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
