I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
