I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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