i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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