I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
