Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
