the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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