Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
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Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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