Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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