The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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