I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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