You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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