Old men and throwing up are my life now.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you had me at cake vodka
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
