I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
