Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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