3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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