i was born a porn star she said
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
