Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
