it hurts more in the daytime
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
