if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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