that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
