You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
no you cant smoke seaweed
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
