so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
