You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
