i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think my fart just growled at me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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