I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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