My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You took a bar mat shot.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
