Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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