Best friends brother. Beat that.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
