there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
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We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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