so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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