evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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