Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
