As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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