it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
