I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
