peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
