Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
