her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong