why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.